It's a good thing I haven't updated lately and no one reading cause I could use the space alone here to ramble on what's really going on personally... so... I think I may be hexed. By a wizard which evil bidding is to make people feel like a tomato when they're a potato. Not that I'm a tomato, in fact, right now a real tomato has more character than I do... Simply put, what I meant to say is I'm lost. Limbo. Confuzzled. HHUURRGGNNDDAAABBURRG. I think for me, it began by having one of those days where you spent the whole day by yourself, bored shitless until you realise it... that you begin to feel bored with yourself. And then try to experiment in discovering more about yourself only to fail, or do something you love and fail...
Otherwise, I've put aside any of my activities for a while to contemplate, which led me to this point.................. fuck, that was way too much thinking. I think my issue starts with my reasons to compare myself with others... its a compulsive order I had for such a long time, it becomes my daily nightmare. Worst part comes in when I rarely compete with what the competition is, but instead, retreat and sulk over what I could be more. Like those moments where you saw something awesome and say out loud in amazement, "Damn... I could do that..." and do nothing. Cause in my lifetime, I had a billion times where I said that myself and yet achieved nothing. Or it could be something I can do with room to improve, but procrastinate or lazy. So really, its a combination of these negative forces really puts me down low... for a while.
And then it disappears... or hides back into a hole, waiting to ambush me again. The climax/anti-climax of my ever roller-coaster ride of life.
OR maybe its just teen angst acting up again... ggooodd, fucking drama man, STOP IT! haha! I'd admit, I believe I still have these phases which is pretty much the reason why I can sound like I have a tampon up my butt for 6 days! Which makes my case really stupid, because I know it's (may be) just some lame temporary emo thoughts drilled into my head, yet I treat it seriously. I think I have yet to grow some balls and man up... I cant deny it that I am still a child...
SIGH, and that's how I pass my time when I'm extremely bored.
OR maybe its just teen angst acting up again... ggooodd, fucking drama man, STOP IT! haha! I'd admit, I believe I still have these phases which is pretty much the reason why I can sound like I have a tampon up my butt for 6 days! Which makes my case really stupid, because I know it's (may be) just some lame temporary emo thoughts drilled into my head, yet I treat it seriously. I think I have yet to grow some balls and man up... I cant deny it that I am still a child...SIGH, and that's how I pass my time when I'm extremely bored.